I want to cry but i can't. As promised in my last post I will let you know when this heart gets heavy. It might be burnout. Anne Jackson might say i have that mad church disease she writes about. But honestly, I have no idea what it is.
My heart hurts for Haiti, yet it seems so distant. My heart is hurting for a friend who lost his brother to suicide, and for that man's kids kids and ex-wife he left behind. My heart hurts for a girl i went to school with that lost her father. And another girl, who recently lost her mother.
The world seems mean. I have a desire that can't be quenched, the desire is heaven. But in this pain I hurt. I hurt so much. Is this the life of the Christian- hurt, pain, and frustration met with unspeakable, uncomprehensible joy? If that's the case I'll take it. I'll take it if it means one day I will be taken in by my sweet Savior. I can live with this aching pain in my heart.
Master, take me. Take me in. Take me in so that i may touch your face, and smell the fragrance of your embrace. I wait Lord as you purify me with this world. May i be refined.
Actually, this is a mark that the spirit is with you...we have been taught in our "Christianity" that joy=happiness and that is so far from the truth.
ReplyDeleteOver and over in Scripture you will find the words "I consider this suffering joy" because you are suffering in the same way the heart of Christ is breaking for what you see. You are sharing the heart of Christ. That is joy. Even admist the despair.
Praying for you, sweet sister. And don't ever lose that idealism. Ever.